


I'll Keep Tossing Rocks At Your Window

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-02
Updated: 2009-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:02:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8700211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Jared Padalecki ruined Jensen's life. The life he counted on having, anyway. Ever since he finished law school, Jensen had a plan. Pass the Bar, start a practice with Jeff, and never, ever get married. [Remix of the movie 'Laws of Attraction'].





	1. PART ONE

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

**Pairing/Characters:** Jared/Jensen, various characters from _Leverage_ and _Sons of Anarchy_.

**Rating/Warnings:** NC-17. Alternate Universe. Enough fluff to stuff a million marshmallow Peeps. TEQUILA. Disclaimed.

**Words:** 17,000+

**Movie remixed:** Based loosely on [Laws Of Attraction](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laws_of_Attraction); written for . I kept the basic premise, not much else.

**Summary:** Jared Padalecki ruined Jensen's life. The life he counted on having, anyway. Ever since he finished law school, Jensen had a plan. Pass the Bar, start a practice with Jeff, and never, _ever_ get married.

 

 

 

 

Jared Padalecki ruined Jensen's life. 

 

The life he counted on having, anyway. Ever since he finished law school, Jensen had a plan. Pass the Bar, start a practice with Jeff, and never, ever get married. 

 

But then there was Jared. And tequila. 

 

And Jensen's carefully constructed plan came crashing down. 

 

_Fucking tequila._

**ONE**

When Jensen was twelve years old, he watched his big sister get married.

 

Fluffy white dress, a tight and stuffy tuxedo, and more relatives than he knew he had. It was a _special_ day, his mother told him. He remembers hearing that word a lot. Special moments. Special guests. Special arrangements. When he asked Josh, his older brother said it was because weddings only happened once. That's what made them special. 

 

So Jensen enjoyed it. Too many pictures were taken and he had to behave all day even though his cousins built a fort under one of the catering tables. Jensen and Josh stayed up late, lost their tuxedo jackets, and were chased away from the dessert table while all the other guests were dancing. 

 

Finally, collapsed on a futon in their guest room, Jensen fell asleep already looking forward to his brother's special day.

~

"Just tell me what I need to do to get half of his shit!"

 

The soon to be ex-Mrs. LeBronte's screams echo through the hall. Heads turn and Jensen cringes, ushering his client quickly into the empty courtroom. Though Jensen's the choir she's preaching to, the divorcee keeps seething. 

 

"That man barely gave me enough to live on for three damn years! Bad enough I'll only get half now. As if that's enough for my suffering!" 

 

Ah, there it is. Jensen's favorite word. 

 

All of his clients _suffer_. They suffer with children, through infidelity. Suffer through _blah blah blah_. If there's one thing Jensen knows about marriage, it's that it inevitably leads to divorce. And suffering. 

 

His parents are divorced now - claiming 'irreconcilable differences' before Jensen even knew what it meant. Josh is currently going through his first divorce, and his sister has 'suffered' through three poor choices. Half the Christmas cards Jensen gets every year are from ex-family members. 

 

Mrs. LeBronte goes quiet when her husband and his lawyer, Richard Taylor, walk in. Jensen gets an exasperated smile from Rick right before the judge arrives, effectively sidelining everything but this marriage's final death throes. 

 

The hearing is quick, drab, and uneventful - the opposite side of the coin from what Jensen knows was a lavish and expensive wedding ceremony. He's always thought marriages should end with a bang - the same way they start. Sometimes that's the way it happens. 

 

"I'd say that result goes in the tie column." 

 

Rick walks over as Jensen packs up his things. 

 

"Sorry, I know how much you love your trial record. At least I didn't beat you." 

 

"True," his friend laughs. "You up for a drink or five tonight? I'm primed and ready to celebrate still being single." 

 

"After dealing with the now ex-Mrs. LeBronte, I'm game. Have someplace in mind?" 

 

Rick grabs his thin portfolio and watches Jensen stuff a pile of folders in his briefcase. 

 

"Yeah, there's a new pub over on 10th. I'll text you the address when I'm back at the office. Nine o'clock work?" 

 

"Sure, I'll meet you there." 

 

Jensen gets a thumbs-up and Rick disappears, leaving him to wrangle his files. Pulling the case shut, he's startled by a deep voice behind him. 

 

"Sorry, I didn't know anyone was in here." 

 

He looks back and sees - _fuck_. And yeah, just that. Jensen's eyes travel from a blinding smile, dimples as a bonus, down a tanned throat, and down down down over a crisp tailored suit to shined loafers. Damn. 

 

"I - uh. I was just leaving," he attempts, no idea if his voice is steady. "My case just finished." 

 

"Lucky you," the tall guy smirks. "Mine's just starting and I guess I'm a little early." 

 

"Guess so." 

 

Jensen racks his brain for anything - fucking anything - to say so he doesn't have to walk out of the room. 

 

"Divorce case?" Apparently, that was the best his brain could do. 

 

"The Capelli-Addelson divorce, yeah." 

 

He sets a Coach attaché on one of the tables, missing the surprised look on Jensen's face. He's obviously heard of the case - millions at stake between the two married celebrities, but never expected one of the lawyers to look like this. 

 

A throat clears behind him, alerting Jensen that he and the younger attorney are no longer alone and yes, he'd been staring like a psychopath. Several more sharply dressed people enter and make their way to the tables. 

 

"Well, good luck." 

 

"Thanks," Jensen gets another wide, genuine smile. "Maybe I'll see you around, since I'll probably be in court all this week." 

 

Jensen hopes he's not imagining the question in the guy's voice, but there's nothing he can manage to do but nod, and walk away with a matching grin.

**TWO**

A week later, just before Valentine's Day, Jensen gets a text from Rick.

 

_U gotta come out 2nite. Met a guy, need wingman & you're it, Ackles_. 

 

Jeff looks up and glares when the phone beeps. 

 

"Just Rick Taylor," Jensen says, quickly texting back - _where & when?_

 

"Doesn't that hot shot have a case or anything better to do?" 

 

"Apparently not." 

 

Jeff huffs in response. 

 

_9pm. Caulders. Don't dress better than me._

 

Jensen snorts at Ricks reply. 

 

The office he and Jeff share is small, but it could be worse. Enough space for two large desks, plenty of cabinets and a small conference room off to the side. Jensen had his sister do the decorating after her second divorce, to help keep her mind off it. She did a great job actually, creating a comfortable yet efficient space for the two men and their small client base. 

 

Jeff pushes aside the rest of his lunch and tosses a section of the New York Times onto Jensen's desk. 

 

"The Capelli-Addelson divorce finishes today," his partner points out when Jensen grabs the paper. He flips below the fold and sees a picture of Daniella Capelli, the stunning model, and her lawyers. And to the left, towering over his client, is the current star of Jensen's jerk off fantasies. 

 

"Jared Padalecki," he reads from the photo's caption. Great, a name to put with the moaning. 

 

"Did you say Padalecki? I didn't know he was part of that divorce." Jeff ignores Jensen's gaping. "Was only a matter of time before his name showed up in the papers again." 

 

Jensen's confusion is obvious - Jeff shoots him a look that asks ' _seriously_?' before continuing. 

 

"His parents are big time New York socialites and Jared's their only child. I haven't heard much about him since he went off to Stanford and Stanford Law." 

 

He looks back at the photo, Jared gorgeous even in black and white. 

 

"I guess he's back practicing in the city." 

 

"Must be talented if he's already on a case like that," Jeff adds. "I think he's only twenty-six or so." 

 

The older man turns back to his work and Jensen slides easily into distraction. 

 

Jared Padalecki, son of socialites. It sounds daunting to Jensen; the upper crust of New York City society seriously freaks him out. But now he's got a name for that perfect face, and that's something.

~

As soon as Jensen walks into Caulder's, Rick's on top of him.

 

"Man, aren't you trying to pick up a guy?" 

 

"Yeah," the freckled ginger-haired man answers loudly in his ear. 

 

"Then get the hell off me," Jensen pushes him away. "Not a very good impression if he's watching." 

 

"He's not here yet, don't freak." He lets Rick lead him towards the crowded bar, pushing right up to the polished surface. "God, Jensen, wait 'til you see this guy!" 

 

Jensen's used to meeting Rick's 'crushes'; he's been there for the last four and isn't expecting anything major to come of the latest. He doesn't mind, it's always a good time, but his friend's got to realize by now that he's a catch - hilarious and fairly successful. Rick's one of the most confident attorneys Jensen knows, yet he's not sure why that doesn't translate to his social life. 

 

Not that he's about to start _that_ conversation with Rick. That would lead to a thorough dissection of Jensen's dating neuroses and no, he's not in the mood. 

 

Taking the beer Rick passes him, Jensen checks out the crowd. It's busy - the young and successful are out in full force. 

 

"Come on Jensen, drink up." 

 

He takes a long draw of his beer before seeing the rocks glass and clear liquor in front of him. 

 

"Patrón," Rick answers at Jensen's raised eyebrow. 

 

"Tequila?" Jensen almost chokes. "Where's the lime and salt?" 

 

"Don't need that stuff with Patrón, Jensen. Just drink it." Rick sips his quickly, savoring the silver Reposado. Jensen follows suit, feels the liquor warming his throat and stomach instead of burning. It's actually pleasant. Rick's grinning when he sets the glass down. 

 

"So when's this guy showing up?" 

 

"No clue." 

 

"Well, what's his name?" 

 

"Matt, I think." 

 

"You think? What the hell, Rick, don't you know the guy?" 

 

His friend orders them each another beer. "I was a little drunk when we met, but his name definitely starts with a 'Ma-'. I overheard him saying he was coming here tonight." 

 

"Jesus, Rick." Jensen takes the second beer after quickly draining the first. "You're on your own for a minute, I'll be right back." 

 

The bar seems more crowded when Jensen exits the men's room. He's making his way to Rick when he hears it - a deep laugh over the din of the room that sends a shudder through Jensen's body. 

 

He _knows_ what he's going to see when he looks over, but it's like a slow motion scene. Jared Padalecki is in the corner of the bar laughing with a small group. Jensen recognizes the other lawyers from Daniella Capelli's team. No tie, royal blue shirt unbuttoned to his collarbone, and hair falling into his face. 

 

"Oh god," Jensen exhales. He feels stuck. Rick's waiting for him at the bar and Jared's across the room. It makes no sense - and maybe it's the Patrón - but he wants to go over, draw Jared's attention, and exorcise the feeling he gets every time he thinks about the younger man. 

 

Maybe it's fate that finally decides. 

 

Walking back to Rick, Jensen looks back. Jared's watching him, recognition clear even at a distance. He smiles and Jensen's night changes course. There's another tumbler of Patrón waiting for him and his friend's chatting with a shorter man. 

 

"Oh hey, Jensen, this is Mark," Rick sounds pleased, probably ready to start into some buddy story meant to impress. 

 

"Nice to meet you," Jensen gives a quick handshake and picks up the tequila, ditching the empty beer bottle. He cuts his friend off before he can start. "Sorry Rick, there's someone I've got to talk to. Have a great night, both of you." 

 

He doesn't wait for an answer and crosses the room, bright eyes watching his approach. Jared's body shifts, opening his circle of colleagues, automatically making space for Jensen. It's a small gesture but it warms his stomach more than the tequila. 

 

"Hey." 

 

It's not Jensen's best opening line but it's enough for Jared to step away from his group. 

 

"I guess this means your case ended well." 

 

"'My case' is an overstatement, but yeah, thanks." Jared's smile is warm and Jensen remembers they haven't actually introduced themselves. 

 

"I'm Jensen, by the way." 

 

"Of 'Morgan and Ackles', I know." Jared doesn't look embarrassed at his knowledge. The tequila must be dulling Jensen's reactions because he's not surprised. "I read the court dockets and saw your case. Actually, I went to your website and since you're clearly not closing in on fifty, Jensen Ackles was the only other option. I'm-" 

 

"Jared Padalecki, youngest associate on this season's headline divorce trial." Now Jared's chuckling. "I saw your picture in the _Times_ , and God, I hope I didn't butcher your last name." 

 

"No man, you nailed it. But talk about a non-traditional introduction!" 

 

The ice is very much broken and Jensen takes a swallow of his drink. 

 

"Hey, I'm empty," Jared tilts his empty bottle. "What are you drinking?" 

 

"Would you believe Patrón?" 

 

Jared claps a hand on Jensen's shoulder, solid and large, throwing his head back and laughing again. 

 

"Tonight, I definitely believe it. Would you settle for a beer?" 

 

Jensen grins. 

 

"Absolutely."

~

"You look really good, by the way."

 

Jared picks up a new bottle from their bucket of beer. Jensen's face is already red from the alcohol so his immediate blush probably goes unnoticed. 

 

"Shit, that's terrible!" He's not sure if he pulls off a straight face, but Jared looks semi-horrified. 

 

"What?" 

 

"Rick, the friend I came with, told me not to look better than him." 

 

Jared's expression softens. "Why?" 

 

"He wanted to impress a guy." 

 

"The things we do for friends, huh?" 

 

"Seriously." Jensen brings the tip of his bottle to Jared's for a toast. 

 

"Well, you failed your mission," Jared starts, fully peeling the label off his bottle. "I don't know who your friend is, but you look better than every guy in here." 

 

Jensen can't _not_ meet Jared's eyes and his face feels fluorescent. The younger man looks absolutely sincere, his words go beyond flattery to honest compliment. 

 

They've moved to an open booth, staying close but it gives them privacy. Jensen knows where the night is headed, unwilling to stop the momentum, but he's nervous. He and Jared are emptying bottles at a decent pace - eyes getting softer and movements more languid. 

 

The conversation is easy and steady, and before long the bar's crowd has thinned. Even Rick's gone, hopefully with Mark. Jensen doesn't spare much thought for his friend, too focused on Jared. The bucket is empty and Jared's looking over at him. He knows what's about to be asked - the question's already been answered. 

 

Jared's voice isn't slurred, but it's quiet and careful. 

 

"I live a couple of blocks aw-" 

 

"Yes." 

 

Jared blinks. Jensen probably should have waited for the actual _question_. But thank God, he smiles and slides out of the booth. 

 

"So let's get out of here."

~

The hurried walk to Jared's place is a blur and if quizzed, he has no clue what the apartment looks like. As soon as he's pressed up against Jared's bedroom door, his senses wake up and kick back into gear.

 

It's a new and fucking exciting sensation, being with a guy big enough to manhandle Jensen. Jared's got a grip on his waist, lifting Jensen to anchor him between his hard body and the door. 

 

They'd started kissing when they walked in and it's gone way beyond making out. It's licking and sucking, moaning and breathing. It’s far from perfect and so damn wet, but it's fucking hot. Jared's tongue winds around Jensen's, almost distracting him from what's going on with the rest of their bodies. 

 

Fortunately, Jared's ready to move things along even if Jensen's content to be pinned against the door for the rest of his friggin' life. His hazy mind doesn't miss that Jared is practically carrying him to the bed, grateful when he's dropped onto the firm mattress. 

 

"God, from the first time I saw you," Jared starts and leans back, taking in Jensen's sprawled form before reaching down and yanking Jensen's shirt off. "Wanted you then...needed to know what you tasted like. Fuck...how you kissed." 

 

Jensen tries to help Jared undress him but he's eager to get beyond that - wants to see Jared naked and huge and over him. But Jared keeps talking, short circuiting Jensen's actions. 

 

"So fuckin' gorgeous, wanted to throw you on that table in the courtroom and just _fuck_." 

 

Jensen's belt is the next to go, clearing the way for Jared to undo the button fly of Jensen's jeans. 

 

"Thought about it, seeing you again..." 

 

As hot as Jared's voice is making him, Jensen's just got to get in on the talking thing. 

 

"Me too, Jared - fuck. Imagined you like this." 

 

Hazel eyes immediately focus on him. "You did, huh, Jensen?" 

 

"Yeah. God, yeah." 

 

"What did you think about?" Jared's lips are inches away, blood full and parted. The truth clearly won't hurt Jensen here, even if the alcohol wasn't making half his decisions. 

 

"You, naked like this, with me." 

 

"What'd you want to do?" His brain tries to keep up. Jared's starting to strip, dress shirt hitting the floor and exposing his tanned torso, just as perfect as Jensen imagined when he caught the first tantalizing glimpse of Jared's throat. He keeps talking and Jared keeps shedding clothes, straddling Jensen again when he's completely naked. 

 

"Wanted everything with you," Jensen can't get much hotter. Liquor warms him from the inside and Jared takes care of the rest, hands never ceasing. He's more in control than Jensen, listening and doing. Everything's happening so quickly and he's so caught up, nearly missing the next dirty whisper. 

 

"You like me over you, Jensen?" 

 

Jared's biting along his throat, grinding down onto him. He can feel Jared's dick against his through his open jeans. 

 

"Fuck yes!" 

 

"Gonna like this, then." 

 

He misses Jared's body heat for a moment but when it returns, Jensen arches into the warmth, mouth closing around Jared's tongue. A condom packet and lube drop next to him and Jensen's so fucking ready. He tries to spread his legs but Jared's just laughs low and soft. 

 

"No Jensen, not like that. _This_." 

 

It's a dream. Just a big damn dream and Jensen's going to wake up hung-over and hard. There's no way Jared's stretching _himself_. Only he is. Jared slicks himself, moaning _sogood_ and driving Jensen out of his mind. He rolls the condom on Jensen, so much better than any fantasy he dreamt up. He doesn't wake up when Jared sinks onto him, hot flesh adding to the burn already under Jensen's skin. Jared's hips are solid in his hands, but the younger man's doing all the work. 

 

If Jensen could fucking _think_ , he'd be amused that he's the bottom here in every single way except for the important fact that Jared. Is. Riding. Him. Jared's controlling the rhythm he _needs_ , making it phenomenal for Jensen at the same time.

 

He can't think, though - only feel. Jared's done talking and so is Jensen. They're both moaning and gasping into each other's mouths when Jared bends low enough, their bodies rocking fast and hard. It's amazing and before he can process, Jared's jacking himself, spilling on Jensen's chest. It feels amazing and Jensen realizes he's coming too. 

 

"Jared. Jared. _Jared_." Jensen's groaning and the sensations around him are too much, too everything. It's almost a relief when Jared pulls off, collapsing next to him. Jensen catches the snap of the condom when Jared removes it for him, another gesture that would surprise him if his brain cells weren't rendered useless by orgasm. 

 

Relaxing, he feels Jared's hands soft against his chest, the tip of his nose tucked into Jensen's neck. He's trying to remember. Something about this needs to change - feels unusual and uncomfortable. The feeling nags until he finds his voice. 

 

"I should go." 

 

"No, you shouldn't." 

 

Jared kisses his throat gently then gets up. He wants to move but it's difficult. Sex-sated limbs fight the suggestion of movement. Jared reappears with two bottled waters and a handful of ibuprofen, offering the treasures to Jensen. His body still doesn't want to cooperate and it should be embarrassing the way Jared helps him take two pills and down the water, but his mind settles on 'nice'. 

 

But the strange feeling remains. 

 

"I have to go, Jared," he attempts weakly, unconvinced he's telling the truth. 

 

"No, you don't." 

 

Jared's back beside him and Jensen gives up. He pushes away the dizzying swirl of thoughts and falls asleep.

~

Jensen gasps and sits up, fingers clutching soft navy sheets that definitely don't belong to him.

 

Jared. They're Jared's sheets. 

 

The younger man doesn't wake up with Jensen's harsh breathing, alcohol and exhaustion leaving him dead to the world. Jensen might be in the same condition if he were in his own bed, but the overwhelming feeling of _wrong_ won't him sleep here. 

 

Looking down, he gets the chance to study Jared without the soft haze of alcohol. He's truly handsome, even if Jensen knew that, but there's something about watching another person sleep, reading into positions and expressions. 

 

Jared's on his side, facing where Jensen would have been, almost conscious of his partner's place even in sleep. They weren't cuddled together, but in a way this seems more intimate. Jared knew he was still there, didn't have to be pressed against him to know and take comfort in it. Jensen's eyes move along Jared's strong shoulder, down his arm to where Jared's hand is still clasped in his. 

 

Jensen's breath hitches and stops momentarily. He wants this, _God_ , he does. But he's never stayed, doesn't know what to say or do when Jared wakes up. Afraid it could be nothing more than a one-night thing for Jared and like a coward, Jensen would rather avoid it than find out. He's never wanted to fall in love, never sought it, but he's sure rejection is the worst part of it. 

 

Remembering this, Jared's hand in his as a perfect moment, seems like the better option, even if it means running away. 

 

He sits for a minute, caught by the quiet breaths Jared's taking and the feel of his hand, before breaking contact. It's a miracle he finds his clothing, scattered between the bedroom and the front door. It's a crumb trail in reverse, leading him away from the thing he's pretty sure he wants, but doesn't know how to have. 

 

The sky is just starting to lighten when Jensen slips out of the brownstone, feet heavy with the knowledge that he's fucking up.

**THREE**

_You left early, everything okay?_

_Fine, sorry. Just a lot of work to catch up on._

_We should meet up later this week._

_Hey Jensen, I'm heading out to Cutler's Brewery tonight with some friends. Meet me there?_

_I would, but I'm taking on part of Jeff's caseload. Maybe next time?_

_I came to your office yesterday but I think you were in court. Call me if you want to get together this weekend..._

_...Jensen, I really want to see you._

~

"Are you sure, Jeff? You've been planning your speech for this conference since before Christmas."

 

"Well I can't exactly give a talk on small practice divorce law in a hospital gown and bare feet, can I?" Jeff's voice is weak and scratchy over the phone reinforcing his point and Jensen clicks up the volume on his cell. 

 

"Fine, I'll go up to Boston," Jensen concedes. "But I can write my own lecture in, _dammit_ , a week." 

 

"I heard that," Jeff coughs. "If you want to write something, that's fine. You can find my talk printed out in my desk if you want to use part of it. I don't care." 

 

"If you start feeling better before I leave, tell me, Jeff." 

 

"Will do, Jensen. Thanks for taking care of all my crap, I owe you." 

 

"Get well, man. I'll call you later this week." 

 

Jeff hangs up and Jensen sighs. His partner's out for the count with mono of all fucking things, leaving Jensen with his cases and obligations. And apparently, his appearance at a divorce law conference in Boston next week. It's icing on the fact that's Jensen's worked nonstop for over three weeks and he's starting to go insane. 

 

He thinks about Jared, the way he slinked out of the apartment, and he's tempted to drown in regret and cheap beer but he can't. Jensen doesn't have the time. After the conference he'll actually call Jared, attempt to explain why he suddenly panicked and ran away from something that could have been, well, _something_. It's even written in his agenda - ' _talk to Jared, you pussy_ ' - marked like a commandment to follow on March 18th. A little over a week to figure out how he can explain his flight, the fact that he couldn't stay to see Jared's face when he woke up even though right now, he'd do anything for a do-over of that morning. 

 

The more he thinks about it, the more he doesn't want to wait. Jared might have forgotten him by now - the one-line emails back and forth have stopped, no calls, no chance meetings in court - but he hopes not. Hopes that what he remembers from their night together was real and not a drunken hallucination. 

 

Jensen pushes it all from his mind before he's distracted too badly. He's due in court in less than forty-five minutes and _dear God_ , he needs a Red Bull.

~

Jensen sits down as the applause for his speech - and Jeff's - starts to quiet. The next speaker is introduced and he breathes a deep sigh of relief. _Finally, I can sleep_. After another week run ragged, he nearly missed his train to Boston, and pulled an all-nighter polishing his additions to Jeff's presentation. Jensen's beyond tired.

 

He barely notices the final speakers, caught in an uncaffeinated daze. When the conference is over he's just glad no one saw him drift off once or twice. Making his way out of the hotel's lavish conference hall with the well dressed crowd, Jensen's nearly at the elevators when his arm is grabbed. 

 

"Dude-" he starts but loses his voice when he turns and finds a familiar face. 

 

"Hey Jensen." 

 

Jared looks amazing. The tailored, deep brown suit and powder blue tie make his eyes seem lighter and more intense, silky hair that Jensen's fingers itch to remember is pushed back from his face, curling against the collar of his jacket. But his expression, still welcoming and excited, carries a trace of hesitation and shyness. Suddenly, instead of feeling tired, Jensen feels guilty _and_ tired. 

 

"Jared, man, I didn't know you were going to be here." It's a perfect opening for sarcasm, but Jared doesn't take it like Jensen expects and deserves. 

 

"Yeah, my firm thought it would be a good opportunity to meet and greet," Jared's smiling, oblivious to everyone trying to get around them to the elevators. "I couldn't pass up St. Patrick's Day in Boston, though. A few of my friends from Stanford practice here." 

 

Jensen's too ashamed to admit he'd completely forgotten about the holiday until he'd set foot in Boston. After that, it would be hard to ignore. He'd spent one infamous St. Patrick's Day in Savannah during college, and was glad to see that Boston celebrated a whole different way. Less focus on alcohol and nudity, and more on true celebration, thank goodness. 

 

"It's great that you get to see friends," Jensen finally manages. "I don't really know anyone up here." 

 

"Well, you can't stay in tonight," Jared's practically bouncing and before he can cause bodily harm to passerby, Jensen moves them away from the elevators. "How about coming out with us?" 

 

"I don't know-" 

 

"You can't have an excuse, Jensen." Softer now, almost a plea, and it aims straight for Jensen's gut. "If it's me, there'll be tons of other people. I promise, it will be fun." 

 

"God, it's not you," he wants to reach out and touch Jared, smooth down the rich fabric of his jacket, anything to connect them. “It's going to sound like a horrible excuse, but I'm exhausted, Jared. You don't want to hear it, I know, but this last month has been hell." 

 

"Believe me, I know." Jared never looks away, as if he could read more into Jensen by examination rather than listening. "I would have understood, Jensen." 

 

Jensen doesn't want to walk away, but he has to. He's too tired and one more look in Jared's eyes and he'll start spilling everything he's kept hidden for the last month. 

 

"How about this," he meets Jared's gaze. "If I don't catch a few hours of sleep, I'll turn into a zombie. But, I'll come out with you later tonight." 

 

Jared's body language immediately changes. "That's great! I think we're heading out around seven, and that gives you a few hours to sleep. Can I come down to your room around then? I'll call first." 

 

"I'm in room 1181 and unless I'm in a coma, I'll be ready. Now can I go before I collapse right here?" 

 

"I'd carry you if you passed out," Jared jokes. 

 

"Seriously..." Jensen wasn't kidding about falling over. 

 

"Fine, go! I'll see you tonight!" With a wave he's gone, leaving Jensen wondering what the hell he's getting himself into.

~

"All right, people! What're we drinking?"

 

Jared's friend Jackson, a bulky, long haired blonde, yells towards their group. He's the closest to the bar and automatically becomes the designated order-man. 

 

"How about some green beer?" Jared asks, low enough for only Jensen to hear. 

 

"You order me a green beer, and I'm leaving." 

 

Jared laughs and orders them a couple pints of Smithwick's, uncolored. They're in a small, crowded bar, basically a hole-in-the-wall. Jared's friends had led them there, swearing it was a well-kept secret but _the_ place to be on St. Patrick's Day. It's comfortable and their group is large enough to spread from the bar to a corner where Jensen and Jared are tucked into their own small table. 

 

A few hours of sleep had been enough to help Jensen recover, but he blames Jared for the eagerness thrumming through him, making him more awake. Once beers are passed around, Jared doesn't monopolize Jensen's time. Like the first time they'd hung out, Jared includes him and draws him into conversations. His friends are a varied group; mostly lawyers like Jackson and his girlfriend Tara, but there's also Parker, a social worker, a computer programmer named Alec, and an older acquaintance Nathan, who's actually a judge, out with his wife, Sophie. 

 

Between nerves and the bar's jovial atmosphere, Jensen finishes his first beer quickly. Jackson passes down another before he can ask. He doesn't want to drink heavily but he needs something to dull the manic edge he feels, unsure where the night is going. Last time it was easy, the anticipation mellowing their actions and the attraction already obvious. 

 

But when Jared gives him a soft, easy smile, he thinks for a moment that perhaps _this_ doesn't need to be weird or awkward. The attraction is still there - Jared's one of the most gorgeous men he's ever seen and it's becoming clear, purely because he puts up with Jensen, that his heart is just as flawless.

 

"Glad you came out yet?" Jared asks, switching to his second beer. 

 

"Getting there." 

 

He leans closer to Jared's side of the table, trying to convey what his mind's telling him. The younger man picks up on the movement and mirrors it, sliding his chair without anyone noticing. 

 

Jensen's content to listen to the cheery conversations going on around him, feeling Jared's presence mere millimeters away, when Jackson's yell turns the night in a new and horrifying direction. 

 

"Time to step it up, guys!" He calls, grabbing everyone's attention. "I'm ordering shots!" 

 

Tara, the pretty brunette with Jackson, groans and speaks for everyone. "You're kidding, right?" 

 

"No one has to work tomorrow, baby. Why not? Bartender!" Clearly Tara and the others are used to this behavior - they roll their eyes and laugh while Alec shuffles up to the bar to help Jackson. 

 

Jensen can smell the alcohol before the shot glass is dropped in front of him. _Fucking tequila_. Jared chuckles and yells something at Jackson. 

 

"You don't have to drink it, Jensen," Jared slides his own shot over towards Parker who's eyeing it with near-lust. "Don't be afraid to tell Jackson to shove it, we do it a lot." 

 

It's tempting, but the clear liquor might go a long way towards easing the last traces of strangeness. Jensen swallows it down, Jared's eyes wide as he watches, not waiting for the salt shaker and limes Alec is passing around. He can't help the reactive shudder the burn causes. 

 

"Guess that wasn't Patrón, huh?" Jensen coughs, thinking the burn is worth it when Jared pats and rubs his back. 

 

"Hell no, not if Jacks is buying!" 

 

He notices that Jared's hand stays at the small of his back as they watch the bitter expressions when the others take their shots. Sophie sips hers as her husband downs his without salt and citrus. 

 

An hour, two beers and another tequila shot later, Jensen can't feel much besides warmth. The bar's gotten busier, no one in Boston missing the chance to live it up on St. Patrick's Day. Jared's flirty and charming, gradually working his way beneath Jensen's defenses and objections as the alcohol works into his blood. After Nate started drinking a single-malt and telling lewd stories to Alec and Jackson, Sophie moved to their table, unabashedly asking Jared and Jensen to 'spill their story'. 

 

Surprisingly, it's Jensen who speaks up after catching a worried look on Jared's face. Thanks to the tequila, he probably says more than he intends but Sophie is hooked on every word, ooooh-ing and awww-ing at the appropriate moments. Jared is blushing as he listens, subtly moving to twine his fingers with Jensen's underneath the table, the affection in Jensen's words spreading through both of them. 

 

As thrilled as Sophie is with their extremely short-but-dramatic saga, Jensen wishes she wasn't there when Jared finally asks the question he's dreading. 

 

"Why'd you leave, Jensen?" His hand is gripped tighter. "It didn't feel like a one-night stand to me..." 

 

Jared trails off, looking down at the table, and Jensen can't lie. 

 

"Honestly, I don't know," he starts quietly, desperate to keep the explanation between the two of them. Sophie catches onto the plea in his voice and she turns back to Parker and Alec. "I woke up and saw myself with you and..." 

 

"What?" 

 

"You were so _perfect_ ," he finally says, the simple explanation coming to him. "I've never been the guy who stays, but I wanted to. I know it doesn't make any sense..." 

 

"So, you ran away?" 

 

"I realized I _wanted_ to stay, wake up with you, and I was terrified." In truth, Jensen's a little shocked by his own honesty. Even his closest friends, Rick and Jeff, don't get this much from him. He blames it on the tequila and the open expression Jared wears. "I didn't know what to do with that." 

 

"You're right, that makes absolutely no sense.” Jared looks up at him, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth and Jensen lets out a breath. The younger man leans closer, creating a private space between them even in the midst of the crowd. "But I understand. I'm sorry if my emails pushed you..." 

 

"No, Jared. I got them and I felt so horrible. When they stopped, that's when I figured I needed to fix this. I just couldn't, not with everything that was going on." His hands shift to Jared's forearms, pulling the other man closer, the next words spoken against his cheek. "I'm sorry." 

 

"You're forgiven," he feels whispered into the curve of his neck. 

 

"I don't deserve it," Jensen rests his face against Jared's, oblivious to everyone else. 

 

"You do, you said I was perfect." 

 

"I meant it." 

 

Jared relaxes until his forehead is pressed against Jensen's shoulder. Out of the corner of his eye he catches Sophie's gaze, sees the warm smile on her face. She doesn't point them out to the others, lets them have their moment alone and he suddenly loves Jared's friends, even Jackson. 

 

But when the larger blonde spots them a few moments later, privacy is a thing of the past. 

 

"To the happy couple," he shouts, the noise in the room meaning that really, they're the only ones who can hear him. Jackson raises his beer and orders more for the table, Jared still hiding his face letting Jensen bear the brunt of everyone's jovial teasing. He grabs a new beer when Alec passes them down, drinking carefully with one hand, unwilling to lose his hold on Jared. 

 

Sophie and Tara are giddy-drunk, cooing over the picture he and Jared are making, and he's glad he can't really hear anyone. Parker's studying the beer menu with an intensity Jensen usually reserves for legal briefs and subpoenas, while Alec, Nate, and Jackson are slapping each other's shoulders and pointing around the room. 

 

Taking another long swallow of beer, Jensen nudges Jared, getting him to look up and shift even closer. There's no space left between their chairs, and Jared's legs sprawled out to encompass Jensen's. 

 

"Hey," Jared mumbles softly, the word unslurred; he hasn't had nearly as much to drink as Jensen. 

 

"I'm glad I came out," he responds just as quietly, earning a bright smile. His hands moves to Jared's chest, pressing over his collarbone, thumb toying with the undone top buttons of his dress shirt. Their moment's broken when Alec jumps up. 

 

"Oh, I have a great idea, y'all!" Alec's practically shaking Nate in his excitement, drawing Jensen and Jared's eyes away from each other. He's gesturing wildly, long arms forcing Parker to duck and Jackson to move behind him. "Nate should marry you guys!" 

 

Parker snorts and Sophie gasps, but Jared draws Jensen in for a slow kiss as if he hadn't even been listening, tuning out everything and everyone. There's almost no heat to the kiss, a soft touch of tongue to Jensen's lips, supple muscle tracing but not pushing inside. He's sleepy and happy and well past tipsy, never imagined that a simple kiss could feel so damn good. Jensen tries to ignore everyone else, the man tucked up against him utterly distracting, but Alec is _loud_. 

 

"Naw, naw, it's perfect," Alec continues, gripping Nate and pulling him front and center. "You can do it, man, right? Well, why not? More of a reason to party!" He keeps going, sputtering about printing certificates, witnesses, and rings until Parker reaches back and smacks him. 

 

But all Jensen can process is Jared's warm palm on his arm, the feel of his hand still on Jared's chest. He doesn't listen to the scuffle five feet away, just concentrates when Jared looks up, the barest hint of _something_ in his eyes. 

 

"Jensen..." he starts, and the worry is evident. It's panic in Jared's expression, Jensen realizes. They've spent all night building whatever _this_ is back up and now Jared expects a crash more monumental and heartbreaking than the last. At least when Jensen snuck out like a coward, Jared didn't have to watch him do it. He needs to show Jared that fleeing is the absolute last thing on his mind, leaning forward and laying soft kisses along Jared's cheekbones. 

 

His body knows exactly what to do to calm Jared. His mind...well, his _drunksleepyhappy_ mind takes it a step further. 

 

"So what'dya say, Jared?" Jensen's lips travel across Jared's jaw, move so they're just barely brushing the skin of his neck. "Want to marry me?"


	2. PART TWO

**FOUR**

_"Jensen, are you sure? This...this is crazy."_

_"Missed you, Jared. 'M not used to that. I don't want t'miss you ev'r again."_

_"Nate, you're not doing this with a drink in your hand!"_

_"I said rings, Park. That was the best you could do?"_

_"I bet you and Soph have gotten down 'n dirty in here more than once, right? Ow! Baby, don't hit me."_

_"Jensen..."_

_"You want this, I know...I c'n do this."_

_"I don't need to read it. I've done this before, thank you very much."_

_"Jacks, if you touch that gavel I'm not having sex with you for a month."_

_"The definition of a ring is flexible. They'll fit around their fingers; I thought we were going for efficiency?"_

_"I can't explain it...this is right, I can feel it. We're insane, Jen, but..."_

_"Jared..."_

_"I do."_

_"So do I.."_

~

Jensen dreams of the perfect kiss.

 

It's somewhere between soft and devouring, flawlessly intimate and sure. He knows it's Jared's mouth against his own, subconscious providing enough details to identify the strong arms embracing him. The _perfect kiss_ has tongue, clearly; Jensen shudders when his partner's twines gently with his. There's a vague sense of being watched, of something monumental happening, but he doesn't dwell on it. 

 

It doesn't last long, Jensen pulling back with a last nip to Jared's lower lip, taking in the secret smile meant only for him. 

 

He doesn't want to let the moment pass, afraid that he'll wake up. But he feels Jared's arms pulling him closer, whispering something, and he drifts off into yet another dream.

~

He wakes up to bright sunshine pouring through the window, the light making his head throb. Squeezing his eyes shut tightly, Jensen burrows deeper into the comforter, drawing his legs up and freezing when his shin hits a solid body. Mustering up the energy to open one eye, he sees a mass of brown hair across the pillow.

 

_Jared_. 

 

Instead of the panic of a month ago, Jensen tries not to move, unwilling to disturb the other man who looks too peaceful for Jensen's hung-over mind to cope with. 

 

The disorientation that comes with a night of heavy drinking settles over Jensen and he shifts his focus away from Jared, trying to remember the previous night. 

 

Jared's friends were hilarious; he remembers the younger man being comfortable around them and that ease extending to Jensen. His very empty stomach and throbbing head remind him of beer and tequila, the aches making him eager to ban that combination from all future nights out. 

 

Since Jared's in bed with him, still looking comfortable - damn him - Jensen assumes they hooked up, grinning at the pseudo-memory. It was much more than a simple fuck, he reasons, since the view he's got of Jared's bare neck and shoulder sends a giddy shock through his exhausted limbs, hardly a common occurrence with one night stands. He feels safe reaching out, giving into the urge to thread his fingers through Jared's hair, skim along his throat, and down to his shoulder. 

 

And that's when he sees it. 

 

He stares for a minute, the foreign sight taking a few seconds to process. When it finally hits him, along with a barrage of mental pictures, Jensen pulls away from Jared as if shocked, jumping off the bed and dragging most of the sheets with him. 

 

This wakes Jared and Jensen hears him mumbling over the sound of himself hyperventilating. 

 

"J'nsen?" Jared's yawning and rubbing his eyes, trying to adjust to the bright room. "Why're you way over there?" 

 

"Look at your finger!" Jensen yells harshly. 

 

"Huh?" Jared's clearly half asleep, not seeing Jensen completely losing it on the other side of the room. 

 

"Just look!" 

 

Jared looks at his right hand, turning it over, and Jensen tempted to smack him for being calm. "The _other_ one," he grumbles. 

 

His heart may actually stop beating when Jared brings up his left hand, spotting the thin black band around his ring finger. Fully expecting the younger man to join in his freaking-out, Jensen's miffed when Jared drops his arm, catching sight of the same band on Jensen's ring finger. 

 

"Oh hey, you've got one too." He smiles, and the sight almost makes Jensen melt, if not for the heart attack he's currently having. 

 

"Jared," Jensen tries to control his shaking voice when he asks, even though he knows the answer. "Did we get _married_ last night?" 

 

"Yeah, we did," Jared sits up further, rubbing his face and stretching. "Nate wasn't too pleased about it at first, especially when Jacks started messing with stuff in his chambers, but Alec and the Sophie were ridiculously excited...what?" 

 

He pauses, finally catching the shocked look on Jensen's face. 

 

" _What?_ " He repeats and when Jensen doesn't answer he withdraws, sliding against the bed's headboard. "Jensen, you're not happy." 

 

"Do I _look_ happy?" 

 

"No, but Jensen," Jared seems to pull himself together, voice quieter. "You asked me..." 

 

"And you said _YES_?" 

 

Jared holds up his left hand, black ring stark against his skin, for an answer. He doesn't know what's worse - the churning in his gut that's not completely from the hangover, or the look on Jared's face when Jensen snaps. 

 

"We can't be married, Jared," he shrills desperately, hoping for agreement or at least understanding. This is crazy. He yanks the sheet tight around his waist even as he's starting to hyperventilate again. 

 

"Jensen, don't freak out..." Jared's raising his voice but Jensen can barely hear it as he escapes into the bathroom, slamming the door on Jared's last plaintive, "Jensen!"

~

He doesn't want to, but Jensen ends up catching the train to New York with Jared. Beyond Jared asking him not to run off by himself, they haven't spoken since Jensen barricaded himself in the bathroom.

 

Now they're sitting together, Jensen a captive but unresponsive audience for Jared's arguments. He feels like a one-man jury, listening to Jared plead his case, but not much is getting past Jensen's internal reiterations of ' _holy fuck, I married a guy I barely know_!' God, if his sister ever found out, she'd never stop laughing. And that reminds him... 

 

"You're not going to tell anyone, right?" Jensen asks, interrupting Jared's explanation of how Alec managed to get a marriage certificate late at night on St. Patrick's Day. He doesn't care - the important thing is that Alec _did_. 

 

"Huh?" 

 

"Us getting married," Jensen clarifies. "Are you going to tell anyone?" 

 

"Well, I thought..." Jared trails off. 

 

It doesn't matter that Jensen and Jared are basically at the "two one-night-stands and the same career" stage of their relationship, he knows what the younger man's thinking. Clearly, Jared's ready to tell everyone he's ever met about their drunken yet so-very-legal, nuptials. And just, _no_. 

 

"Don't." 

 

"Don't what?" 

 

_Be a dense idiot, Jared_. The rational part of Jensen's brain isn't thinking too kindly of Jared at the moment. The emotional part? Well, it's sitting back and watching the show, pointedly not reminding him that _he's_ the one who proposed marriage. 

 

"Come on, Jared," he sighs. "If we keep this quiet, no one has to know besides us. And hey, once we get this resolved, we can still see each other. Take it slow, how about that?" 

 

"Resolved how?" 

 

Now Jared's just being annoying. Rational gives Emotional a good kick, asking why he ever thought this guy was _perfect_. 

 

"Jared," Jensen tries to be serious, as much as the headache and hangover will allow. "You don't want to be married to me." 

 

It's not a question, and Jensen will deny that it sounded like a plea for reassurance. 

 

"Mmmm." 

 

No answer, just an indifferent hum. 

 

In the relaxed lines of Jared's face, Jensen can see that he's trying to fall asleep. But his hands are still locked tight across his lap. 

 

He waits a few minutes but Jared doesn't open his eyes. It's not fair, leaving Jensen alone to flip out, and he completely ignores Emotional's unhelpful suggestion that he misses Jared's voice. The pounding in his head intensifies, throbbing to the beat of the train.

~

When Jensen's alarm goes off on Monday morning, all he wants to do is hit snooze and sleep until the last two days are erased from memory. But Jeff's still out sick and that gets him to relinquish the safety of his covers.

 

His phone rings as he's taking the stairs up to his office. Expecting Jeff's raspy voice he's shocked to near deafness by his mother's shrill exclamation. 

 

“Baby, you should have told me!” 

 

Jensen's stomach drops to the floor and bounces down three stories. 

 

“What are you talking about?” 

 

He doesn't have to wait for his mom's response. The answer is apparent as soon as he sees Jeff staring at the Times like it's about to bite him. His partner flips it over when he spots Jensen, revealing his picture next to Jared's, complete with a bold headline. 

 

“Gotta go, Mom.” 

 

Hanging up on his mother and ignoring that Jeff's here, and looking like crap, Jensen slumps in his chair and flinches when the Jeff drops the paper on his desk. 

 

**_Socialites' Son Weds Secretly In Boston._**

 

Oh, crap. 

 

“Want to tell me why I saw this in the society pages this morning, Jensen?” 

 

“You _read_ the society pages?” 

 

“Jensen.” 

 

Jokes are clearly not the way to go. 

 

“You got married? What the hell were you thinking?” 

 

The truth isn't going to make Jeff happy so Jensen tries to move past the marriage issue. 

 

“I know, Jeff, but Jared and I-“ 

 

“Jared Padalecki. I can't believe it,” Jeff mutters weakly. 

 

“Jared and I,” Jensen retries, eyeing Jeff as he sits down gingerly. “We're getting it taken care of, don't worry.” 

 

“Taken care of?” 

 

“Divorce, Jeff. I think you're familiar with it.” 

 

“So you're telling me this wasn't just a hoax or a stupid stunt?” Jeff sounds a little disappointed, shoulders slumped further as if his last hope was just crushed. “It's legal?” 

 

He could point out what his bleary mind remembered and what Jared had recounted - Nate being a judge, Alec swearing up and down that the marriage license was taken care of, and plenty of not-entirely-sober witnesses. Jensen just nods instead. 

 

“Jesus, Jensen.” Even raspy, Jeff's voice makes him wince. “You can't get divorced.” 

 

That's news to Jensen. Everyone can get divorced; it's how he makes a living. “Why the hell not?” 

 

Jeff must think it's obvious from the way he huffs in exasperation. “It's in the papers now. Two divorce attorneys getting hitched? It's not unheard of and it's good the article says nothing about the fact that you barely know each other. But imagine if our clients and the press got wind of the fact that you got married and divorced within seventy-two hours? That's ridiculous, Jensen. You and Jared will look like idiots.” 

 

Jeff's tone implies he already thinks Jensen's an idiot. 

 

“I don't see how it matters.” 

 

“Trust me.” 

 

He wants to be petulant and argue, but Jeff looks a breath away from either hitting him or sliding out of his chair, so Jensen bites back the attitude. 

 

Jeff sighs. “Can't you two just work something out? You obviously thought enough to get married in the first place.” 

 

“Divorce _was_ working it out,” he mutters despite Jeff's scowl. 

 

“You can do whatever you want, Jensen, but I'm telling you, a divorce this quickly will hurt your career. Jared's going to be in the spotlight and thanks to his family, so will you.” His partner deflates a little. “Just think about it, okay?” 

 

The plea sounds funny to Jensen - all he's done since Sunday morning is think about it. 

 

“Yeah, sure,” he agrees, taking the newspaper and stuffing it in his messenger bag, effectively ending the discussion.

~

For March in New York City, the weather is mild and Jensen appreciates the feel of the setting sun on his face. He's perched on the steps to Jared's brownstone, just waiting. True to his word, Jared hasn't bothered him all day, giving him space and a small bit of sanity to think.

 

"So you’ve read it?"

 

Jared's voice is shy and it startles Jensen. The younger man's standing at the bottom of his steps, eyes on the newspaper folded at Jensen's side.

 

He doesn't really need to answer Jared's question so Jensen launches into his prepared speech. "I know it wasn't you."

 

"What wasn't me?"

 

"Whoever told the _Times_ we got married." The word's not as hard to force out as it was yesterday and Jared smiles as if hearing the difference.

 

"Seriously?"

 

"You'd have picked a better photo of yourself." Jared almost laughs, gaze dropping and dimples showing, and Jensen's glad he can still joke.

 

Jared sighs and joins him on the steps. "True."

 

"I didn't tell anyone besides Jeff this morning." Jared's not really looking at Jensen. "So I'm assuming you know who it was."

 

"Do you promise not to kill them?"

 

"Nope."

 

"Good, because it was Jackson," Jared grabs his cell phone from his pocket, scrolling through messages. "He called my mom yesterday and with her connections, there was no way it wouldn't end up in the _Times_. Be sure to tell Jacks 'hi' from me before you kick the shit out of him."

 

Now Jensen chuckles, half from relief. Jared's talking and being sarcastic, a welcome improvement over the silent and morose man he'd left at Grand Central yesterday. They're both quiet for a moment, the inevitable awkwardness not banished for long. Jensen clears his throat but Jared jumps in first.

 

"Listen, Jensen, I know you're upset," he starts, long fingers nervously moving over phone keys and Jensen forcibly tramples his urge to reach out and cover them. "But this article throws a wrench into things. If we got a divorce right now it could hurt us, and I wish like hell your name hadn't been mentioned so you wouldn't be affected. I think Jacks provided too many details. Guess he wasn't as drunk as I thought. Anyway," Jared's barely taken a breath, "I know it was unexpected and you think I'm fine with everything, but I'm freaking out too, Jensen. Never in a million years did I think I could get married to someone like you, but it happened and-"

 

"I think we should stay married."

 

Jared almost squeaks as the verbal brakes are applied. "What?"

 

Jensen pauses, taking a minute to filter his thoughts so they don't come rushing out like that one did. He was almost flattered by Jared's vehement speech. It's bordering on adorable, no longer annoying, and helped by the blush on Jared's cheeks and his wavering voice.

 

"We should stay married," he repeats a little stronger. “You’re right about our careers and, yeah.” He gives a wave of his hand, wordlessly encompassing all of Jared and Jeff’s arguments. “But I’m not really sure how this is going to work.”

 

“Move in with me.”

 

Okay. The two of them really need to stop blurting out life-altering questions without warning. They’re too stupid around each other to _think_ , even without the tequila.

 

“You’re serious?”

 

Jared’s a little less nervous. “Married people live together, don’t they? My apartment has a guest room and well, it’s big enough for us to be roommates. We should look the part if we're going to pull this off."

 

Jensen's brain decides to skip ahead to the most useless question. "And all of my stuff?"

 

"My mother is a _bored_ socialite, Jensen," Jared sighs, as if it explains everything. "Plus, she's overjoyed that her gay son is _married_ and would do anything I asked her right now. Believe me, she can handle moving your stuff, probably before we're even out of work tomorrow."

 

"Impressive," Jensen admits. He's a little intimidated; the possibility of living with Jared had occurred to him - couples getting married usually had _plans_ for this sort of thing - but never imagined it could happen so quickly.

 

"I had five or six more arguments to sway you," Jared smiles, the sun setting behind him leaving Jensen in his large shadow. "Want to hear them?"

 

Jensen grins back. "Not really, freaking lawyer."

 

More silence stretches as they sit, but it's not as awkward. It's almost bolstering, giving them each a chance to think about what they've just said. Accepting and processing.

 

"So we're really going to do this?"

 

"Yeah, I think so."

 

_And I want to_ , Jensen imagines hearing within the deep notes of Jared's voice. Or maybe in his own.

**FIVE**

He hasn’t met her yet, but Jensen thinks Sharon Padalecki might be the eighth wonder of the world.

 

After taking Tuesday to come to terms with suddenly moving, and unable to get out of court on Wednesday, Jensen had emailed Jared a list of things he wanted from his apartment, agreeing to leave the work to Jared’s mother. With his suitcases, Jensen heads right to Jared’s after work on Wednesday night, surprised to see every item from his list already there. Plus, a very _big_ something that wasn’t.

 

“Is that my bed?”

 

Jensen’s stopped in the doorway of the guestroom and Jared appears around the corner.

 

“Oh yeah,” he waves his hand like it’s not a big deal. “You told me once how comfortable it was so I figured it was something you'd want. It wasn’t on your list.”

 

“I didn’t think about moving furniture,” Jensen says. He was trying not to be invasive; his list had only essentials. A few DVDs, a special coffee maker that he can't wait to show Jared, and small boxes of personal items he felt might be useful. But apparently furniture had been fair game.

 

“Didn’t you have a bed in here? Where’d that go?”

 

“With my mother, who knows?” Jared laughs and slides up behind Jensen, close but not touching. “It could be on the roof for all I know.”

 

Jensen could kiss Jared for the thoughtfulness but he doesn’t know what’s allowed. They’re married and nothing should be out of bounds but the insecurity remains. Sleeping with Jared is one thing Jensen wouldn’t have a problem with, but the fact that his own bed is here makes him reconsider. Jared wouldn’t have had it moved if he didn’t want Jensen to sleep in it.

 

So he nixes the kiss and settles for a warm smile and a sincere thank you.

 

Jared backs away and gives Jensen space to move. “I have some dinner if you’re hungry. I wasn’t sure if you were going to eat before you came over.”

 

Admitting he’d been too nervous to eat doesn’t seem like a good plan so Jensen nods. “You cooked?”

 

“I can’t cook, Jensen.” Jared heads towards the kitchen and Jensen follows. “But I did order some great Thai food.”

 

“That’ll work.”

 

Jared doesn’t lay the food out on his expansive dining room table. Instead, he piles it in the middle of the counter, right between two blue placements and two bottles of beer.

 

“You haven’t eaten either?”

 

The younger man shakes his head and starts dishing rice onto their plates. “Figured I’d wait until you got home. Isn’t that what couples do?”

 

Jensen’s grateful that Jared makes it a joke. As mellow as he’s been today, Jensen doesn’t want anything to rear up and spoil the balance they’re maintaining.

 

Digging in to his pad Thai, Jensen starts to think _yeah, this could work_.

~

On Friday, Jared’s got an early morning court appearance and Jensen makes sure he’s in the kitchen first, brewing two large servings of coffee and pouring one into Jared’s travel mug.

 

When Jared blearily walks in, his ‘good morning’ is obliterated by a long yawn. The younger attorney looks nearly impeccable, hair combed smooth and the suit a perfect fit, but his eyes are half closed and his tie is askew. 

 

"Thanks. S'that coffee?" Jared's voice is as awake as the rest of him and Jensen does not think it's cute. _At all_. "Awesome, I usually have t'stop on the way to work." 

 

He grabs one of yesterday's leftover donuts to go with his coffee, eyelids lifting more with each sip of Jensen's Jamaican roast. Jensen's already downed one cup; combined with nerves, he's been wide awake for over an hour. 

 

"Got a few minutes before you go?" 

 

Jared checks his watch and settles back on one of the counter stools. "Mmm, yeah. What's up?" 

 

Jensen comes around to stand beside him, doesn't trample the urge that has him reaching out and straightening Jared's tie. "You look good." The compliment seems silly considering he's already drunkenly called Jared perfect. 

 

"Do I?" Jared takes the compliment warmly, lips twitching into a smirk. 

 

Jensen takes a deep breath. "It's missing something." 

 

His heart pounds, Jared's forehead scrunching in confusion. Jensen doesn't really know why he's doing this, why he bought them. His mother had asked and planted the idea, but the follow through was entirely Jensen's. He pulls a black velvet box from his pocket and Jared's expression shifts to surprise.

 

"Jensen..." He breathes shakily as the box opens and Jensen pulls out one of the silver bands. 

 

He can't speak more than a whisper, aware this is one of the _moments_ his relationship with Jared's been built upon. "We're using your apartment. This was something I could do to help make it look official." 

 

There's a slight feeling of déjà vu when Jensen slides the band on Jared's finger. He extends his own hand in return, Jared silent as he picks up the other band. Parker's black elastic rings are replaced by gleaming silver. Jensen's ring is barely on his finger and Jared pulls him close. He catches a bright smile and dimples before their lips connect. 

 

Jensen doesn't resist; he's been eager for this, missing it. They haven't kissed, that Jensen actually _remembers_ , since the bar. Jared's definitely awake now, the tongue gently twining with Jensen's is soft and grateful and coffee flavored. He still holds Jensen's left hand as their mouths meet, dexterous fingers pressing against the new silver ring. 

 

The last few days have been surprisingly easy, neither man wanting to push too far or say anything wrong. They've simply been roommates, a strange relationship with no touching. Considering they had sex before they learned how the other took coffee, contact should be comfortable. Every time he'd wanted to reach for Jared this week, Jensen had paused. Touches mean more now, something beyond initiating sex or gratification. Jensen doesn't want to send mixed signals, so he chose to send none. 

 

It's over quickly, Jared stepping away with a final press of lips to the corner of Jensen's mouth. 

 

He doesn't break all contact, still fingering Jensen's ring. “Was that an adequate thank you?” 

 

Hardly any subtly in that, Jensen knows Jared would be all too willing to abandon court and take his appreciation into the bedroom. Jensen chuckles to himself as he thinks _which one?_

 

“It's fine for now, unless you want to be very, very late.” Flirting is easier than Jensen thought, like getting back to basics. 

 

Jared grins and takes another bite of his sugary donut. “Was that supposed to dissuade me? Patterson's presiding over this case and I'd rather hide out here than argue before her.” 

 

“Probably shouldn't be late then,” Jensen encourages, refilling the travel mug and handing it over. 

 

“Fine, I can tell when I'm being kicked out,” Jared pauses when Jensen reaches up to wipe a smidge of sweet, white powder from the corner of Jared's lips. “Thanks. I'll call you when I'm out of court, maybe I can come up with something for dinner?” 

 

He nods and Jared's gathering his things, dashing out the door while Jensen grabs his coffee and retreats to his bedroom.

~

_Mexican?_

_Pizza. You got to pick last night._

_We had pizza on Monday._

_Different pizza place?_

_Doesn't count. Don't be boring, Jenny. Pick something else, don't care if it's your turn._

 

“Whiny bastard.” 

 

“Excuse me?” Jeff turns and glares at him. 

 

Jensen grabs one of the loaded hot dogs his partner's holding and slides his Blackberry back into his suit pocket. “I meant Jared. We're arguing over dinner.” 

 

In Jensen's experience, most people are joking - or being strangely modest - when they say they can't cook. But in Jared's case, it's definitely not a joke. He. Cannot. Cook. His kitchen's gorgeous, and it's no wonder. Jared knows better than to touch anything besides the refrigerator and microwave, and the room stays pretty immaculate. So he's taken to texting Jensen, going A to Z through New York City's take out options unless Jensen's prepared to cook. 

 

“Ah, domestic troubles,” Jeff mutters, taking a large bite of his lunch and coughing when Jensen smacks his arm. He falls in beside Jensen as they walk back to their office. “So how's that all going?” 

 

Jensen swallows, trying not to let cheese drip onto his suit. “Jared and me? It's been fine, actually.” 

 

It's the truth. They've been living together for over two weeks, gradually getting used to each other's habits.

 

Jared has plenty - Jensen stopped cataloguing them after a week. He'll hit the snooze button at least seven times before he gets up; Jensen can always hear it from the guest bathroom. There's the annoying quirk Jared's picked up of calling him 'Jenny' whenever he wants to get Jensen riled up.

 

Then there's the couch. After trying out Jared's recliner, Jensen decided the leather sofa was a much better option. But he has to share it with Jared who, for such a tall guy, doesn't sprawl. Instead, leaving the right side to Jensen, he'll curl up on the left, perfectly happy. The middle cushion is a no man's land, ideal for Jensen's files, Jared's plate of nachos, or whenever one of them needs to stretch out.

 

They stay home - at Jared's apartment - most nights. Based on his family, Jensen expected the younger man to be out every night. Eventually Jared explained that when he was growing up, his mother took him _everywhere_.

 

"I'm probably rebelling now, being a homebody," he'd elaborated, sitting cross legged on his part of the couch. "Besides, if I do anything even marginally embarrassing or ridiculous, it shows up in the _Post_. S'not worth it."

 

Jensen accepted it and when a case doesn't keep him late, he tries to spend his time with Jared, tries to ignore Rick's texts and invitations and pretending he doesn't crave a night out to go crazy.

 

"Sounds like it's going well then," Jeff throws his crumpled foil away and stops, waiting for Jensen to finish his lunch.

 

"Yeah," he replies, silently adding _as well as any fake marriage can be going_. It hasn't been perfect and even though it's relatively uneventful, Jensen's confused.

 

He spins the silver band on his finger and follows Jeff up the stairs. Since the Friday morning when they exchanged rings, they've shared a kiss every day before leaving for work. That's the extent of their physical relationship. Jensen always catches a strange glint in Jared's eyes when he pulls back, hesitation to go further, like the kiss is all that he's allowed. Jared makes no move at night when he goes to bed and Jensen follows his lead. In a way, they're more intimate since moving in together, and less at the same time.

 

Back at his desk, he spots Jeff staring over. His partner sighs. "I'm glad you're sticking it out. Another couple of months and you two can quietly get a divorce and get back to your own lives."

 

Jeff says it like it's nothing, as if it'll be that simple. But Jensen's been wrapped up in Jared longer than they've been married. He still remembers how he fantasized about the younger man. Those certainly haven't stopped but the daydreams are enhanced with first hand knowledge of Jared's body - the way he kisses, his moans, the sleepy smiles when Jensen has coffee ready.

 

Jensen knows that however this ends, it won't be simple.

~

Her name is Kara DeMaio and she's phenomenally wealthy. She's also demanding, direct, and desperate for a divorce from her "absolutely useless and tiresome house guest," also known as her husband. As an old friend of Jeff's family, the feisty fifty-something's case lands on both their desks.

 

This divorce has it all. A twenty year marriage coming to a disastrous end complete with property disputes and accusations of infidelity. To Jensen, it seems as if every piece of their life together is being contested.

 

It's miserable and tedious, but he's sharing the load with Jeff and when he does make it home, his complaints always amuse Jared. They'll relax on their respective couch cushions, working their way through one of Jared's microbrew variety six-packs and commiserating.

 

After a particularly trying day, between Kara's extensive records of her husband's supposed affairs and Rick's endless stream of text messages, Jensen walks into the apartment and yanks off his tie. His phone chirps and he throws it on the counter just as Jared walks into the kitchen. He doesn't need to ask if Jensen had a bad day - nearly four weeks together and they're pretty clued in.

 

Jared's in soft track pants and a t-shirt, chuckling when the phone alert sounds again and Jensen glares at it. "What'd your phone ever do to you?"

 

"It's not the phone, it's Rick."

 

"What's he done now?"

 

"He's insisting I come out tonight to meet his new boytoy’s friends," Jensen groans, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and gulping. "David? Davis? Something like that. Hey, get dressed and you can come with me, save me from Taylor's evil story telling abilities."

 

Jared shifts on his feet, glance darting away towards the living room for a split second. "Nah, I rented _Body of Lies_ and thought we could watch that. I'm kind of beat."

 

"You're choosing Leonardo over me?"

 

"Well, no. I picked up one of those homemade dinners at Laura Albert's on my way home." Jensen doesn't know how he missed the foil containers next to the microwave and the fact the oven is _on_.

 

Jensen raises an eyebrow. He doesn't smell smoke or see a fire extinguisher. "You turned on the oven?"

 

"It was fine, nothing happened," the younger man reassures. "But the artichoke lasagna should be ready in like twenty minutes. Technically, you're choosing beer and Rick over me."

 

It's said jokingly but Jensen can hear the underlying frustration. His lip twitches, about to respond a little harshly because there's no choosing. _Who does he think he is, my-_

 

And then Jensen's brain stops short. Yeah, Jared is his _husband_. Their time together, their shared and separate habits, and despite the lack of sex, this is a relationship. Maybe the most sincere and _normal_ one Jensen's ever had. The more he thinks, it's a relationship he's not exactly eager to get out of.

 

But that doesn't mean his brain is ready to accept that so quickly.

 

Jared's still waiting, looking more and more morose by the minute, and Jensen manages a smile. Besides, Rick's _annoying_. 

 

"That actually sounds good, I'm starving."

 

The younger man's expression changes instantly and he steps forward. "Awesome. Want me to grab your case and set your laptop up on the coffee table?"

 

_This is a relationship_. Jensen's brain's stuck in a loop but he ignores it. "Yeah, and let me handle the rest of the cooking."

 

"It's just heating-"

 

"Whatever it is," Jensen laughs, "I'll handle it. You just stay away from the oven."

~

Another few days pass and Jensen's regretting not going out with Rick. His time with Jared isn't the problem - he doesn't mind being close to him, but as time goes by, it's not enough. He wants to be _closer_. Combine the _then_ \- the instant attraction and flirting, the soft touches in Boston - with the _now_.

 

Kara's case isn't helping. Yesterday was their first day in court and it left Jensen wishing for another Mrs. LeBronte. A simple and efficient divorce. This one's a blowout, ending with as much pomp and circumstance as it began and it's wearing Jensen and Jeff thin.

 

When he gets home, Jared's not there. He feels guilty but it's better that he's alone. Ditching his suit and tie, Jensen quickly changes into jeans and a button down, eager to get out of the apartment before Jared gets there. He'll hit up a bar for a couple of hours, just long enough to work the anxiety out of his system then come back to where he truly wants to be.

 

Because he _does_. He would rather be with Jared but he can't deal. There' no outlet for him without touch. Jensen wants to think they'd be fine, taking their relationship back to where it was before, but Jared was the one who initiated things at the bar and in Boston. He doesn't want to take the chance of messing this up, not when he only needs a few hours.

 

"Hey!" Jensen hears the yelled greeting and the front door banging shut.

 

_Shit_.

 

"Jensen? You here?"

 

"In my room, Jared," he calls back, fastening the last few buttons on his shirt when Jared appears in the doorway.

 

"Hey, I'm glad you're already here." Jensen doesn't want to look up and see an eager smile on Jared's face. "I figured since it's Friday, we could have a _Psych_ marathon up to the new - oh, are you going somewhere?"

 

Explaining takes time and Jensen just wants to get out of the apartment. The sooner gone, the sooner he gets back. "Yeah, out."

 

Jensen opens his closet to find the right shoes and hears Jared's confused response. "Um, okay. You sure?"

 

"Yeah, I'm sure." He wordlessly begs, with his posture and attitude, for Jared to just let him go. It'll be easier.

 

"I bet I can change your mind," Jared attempts a laugh but there's a hesitant edge.

 

"Don't try."

 

"What's the matter, Jensen?"

 

He takes a deep breath to steady himself, knowing he at least owes Jared some semblance of explanation. "I'm just a little wired, Jared. Nothing a few drinks and a noisy crowd won't fix." Jensen knows what Jared's going to say before it leaves his mouth.

 

"Well, how about staying in tonight, and maybe tomorrow we can-"

 

"You never want to go out!" Jensen snaps. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

 

Hazel eyes drop, ashamed. "I'm expected to go out, play the part of the social son, but that's not my life, Jensen."

 

This is when Jensen normally gives in, gives up his night to stay with Jared and be them. "So this is all about your life, not ours?"

 

"What?"

 

"You don't like to go out, whatever, I understand that," Jensen mutters in exasperation. "But I do, I always have, and I want to. It's stupid, but sometimes I just need night without thinking, to just let loose."

 

"Let loose?" Jared sounds skeptical.

 

"Yeah," Jensen sighs, hoping Jared's starting to understand, but he should have guessed it wouldn't be easy.

 

"Right." Jared's voice is low and shaky. "Just don't bring anyone back here."

 

Jensen's jaw drops, the statement far from anything he'd expected to hear. " _What_ did you say?"

 

He doesn't get an answer, but he knows what he heard. Jensen grabs his wallet and shoves it in his back pocket, snatching up his keys and pushing past Jared, his own words quiet and harsh. "You know I don't do that kind of thing."

 

"It happened with us." Jared's whisper reaches him in the hallway, the younger man following him to the foyer.

 

"We were different." Jensen knows this - _Jared_ knows this - but his anger isn't abating. "And besides, what the fuck do you care if I hook up with someone?"

 

Jared's breath hitches as if the question strikes him, but Jensen's not done yet.

 

Now he hisses almost silently, as if he knows it's unforgivable. "Maybe you should think about doing the same thing."

 

Jared's eyes narrow, visibly sick of taking Jensen's crap. _Now they're getting somewhere_.

 

"Because I'm pretty sure I'm _married_ , Jensen!" Jared yells, chest heaving.

 

"Then act like it!"

 

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

 

"Are we married, Jared, or are we just roommates out of convenience and embarrassment?"

 

"Fuck you," he shouts, face red with emotion. "I did everything but get on my knees and beg for you to stick this out, to stay married to me, and you're telling me-"

 

" _Don't_ , Jared," Jensen stops him, his hand on the doorknob. "Don't stand there and tell me you've done everything, that this is _perfect_. It's not. Now I'm leaving." He tries to soften his expression, though it won't do any good. "I'll be back later."

 

Jared doesn't say anything as Jensen walks out the front door, not even bothering to pull it closed. He's down the steps and onto the sidewalk before he hears the door click shut.

~

The bar had been crowded and noisy. So is the cab Jensen suddenly finds himself in, squished against the doorframe by Rick. Davis...Daniel, whatever, and another man are sharing the back seat with them, one more stranger sitting in the front with their driver.

 

"So, Jenny, where to?" The name sounds _wrong_ coming from Rick, and he feels like punching Dennis when he repeats it in a sing song voice.

 

"Home," he mumbles against the cool glass window.

 

"Aw, no!" David fucking _chirps_ from across the car. "You have to come to a club with Ricky and me. It's Friday night, baby!"

 

Jensen wants to ask Rick where he found this chirpy little twink, but he's too drunk to start anything. It's nearly one a.m. and he needs to get home. _To Jared_.

 

He's had enough to drink that their earlier fight is an echo in his mind. Jensen knows he fucked up without remembering exactly what he said.

 

"No, j'st drop me off at home," he tries again, slurring slightly when he gives the cabbie Jared's address.

 

"Rushing home to the wife?" Rick jokes harshly, turning hazy eyes on Jensen. "Did he give you a curfew, Jenny?"

 

"Maybe." He won't indulge Rick by rising to the bait. Especially since part of him is yelling that he is rushing home to be with his husband. 

 

Jensen stays silent for the rest of the ride, ignoring Rick and Danny's moronic banter with the two other men. He breathes a shaky sigh when the cab pulls up in front of Jared's brownstone and he hauls himself out of the car, barely acknowledging the others saying goodbye.

 

When he stumbles in, the place is quiet. Jared's not a night owl but a little piece of Jensen thought that maybe...

 

He can't take back what he said earlier, but he needs to put things right any way he can. Going out with Rick eased one desperate ache only to have it replaced by another; this one's even more gut wrenching.

 

The door to Jared's bedroom is ajar and after toeing off his boots, Jensen pushes it open further and stares. Jared's on his stomach, back bare, dark sheets pushed down to his waist. His door's never open at night and Jensen considers the possibility that Jared was listening for him to come back. But he's deeply asleep now, breaths slow and steady, and looking so _fucking_ gorgeous.

 

Jensen's drawn towards the bed, unbuttoning his shirt as he pads quietly across the hardwood floor. As gently as he can, trying to ignore the slight spinning of the room, he crawls onto the bed and kneels at Jared's side. The other man must feel the shifting of the mattress because his head lifts a fraction from the pillow.

 

"J'nsen?"

 

Shrugging out of his shirt, Jensen leans over the broad and muscled back beneath him.

 

"Hey, Jared," he knows Jared can hear the slur in his words, sleepy muscles suddenly tense.

 

His neck cranes towards Jensen. "What're you doing?"

 

Jensen lowers himself further, nose and lips making contact with warm flesh.

 

"'M sorry," he whispers against Jared's skin.

 

"Sorry for what?"

 

It's too nice, too casual; Jared doesn't want to fight. Which is ideal since fighting is the last thing on Jensen's mind. He doesn't answer, just presses further, mouth now at Jared's throat, nudging his head down so Jared's not straining to look at him.

 

Jared keens quietly when Jensen's hips grind against his ass. He draws an arm up, threading his fingers through Jensen's beside his shoulder, silver bands clinking together in the quiet room. Jensen's free hand reaches down and thumbs open his jeans, pushing them down enough to free his arousal. Beneath the sheets, Jared's only wearing boxers and Jensen gets momentarily lost in the way his dick slides easily between their bodies.

 

He's still drunk and he has enough presence of mind to regret it. Jensen wishes he could touch like this without the aid of alcohol; maybe it would fix whatever's wrong with them. But even if he doesn't want it like _this_ , Jensen can't help _wanting_ it. Neither can Jared, his hips are pressing back into Jensen's groin in a jagged and delicious rhythm.

 

Tightening his fingers around Jared's, Jensen's tongue maps out the muscles and tendons of Jared's neck, taking in each breathy moan Jared makes. It's all impulse and instinct instead of intimacy but Jensen can't stop the movement of his hips.

 

Whispered repetitions of his name mix with Jared's gasps and Jensen's not much better off. He comes with a cry, muffled against Jared's throat. The younger man shakes beneath him, his own choked cry of release surprising Jensen.

 

A wave of dizziness overtakes Jensen and he falls to his back, away from Jared. He closes his eyes against the vertigo but feels Jared moving.

 

"Jensen..." Jared's tone is soft and filled with so much - concern, affection, relief - and it warms him even as he's drifting. He tries to fight the sleepiness, work this out right now and fall asleep in Jared's arms like he did that very first night. Make everything _perfect_ like it was then.

 

But it's useless. Jensen feels Jared tug at his leg but the haze overcomes him and he passes out.


	3. PART THREE

**SIX**

Jared's not in bed when Jensen wakes up. He's not even in the apartment.

 

It's not surprising and Jensen feels sick, knowing it's not entirely from the alcohol. Everything from last night rushes back in vivid Technicolor when he collapses in his own bed. Bleary eyes find that his jeans and button down are folded on his comforter, his boots set by his closet.

 

Jared stays away for most of the day and Jensen barely makes it out of bed. It gives him a chance to think even if _thinking_ is the last thing his brain wants. Jared's disappearance says a lot, forces Jensen to think of avoidance and question what they're doing. Something's got to give.

 

He's managed to put on jeans and a t-shirt by the time Jared shows up. Jensen's in the kitchen eating cereal when he hears the door and comes out to find Jared sitting at the dining room table. Jared's silent, picking at invisible scratches on the table, so it's on Jensen to start.

 

Another apology is on the tip of his tongue, but that's not what comes out.

 

"What are we doing, Jared?"

 

Jared's fingers still and he meets Jensen's eyes. "What do you mean?"

 

"This, whatever we are," Jensen explains awkwardly. "I don't know what do to around you anymore."

 

"Is this because of what happened last night? Because I didn't go out with you?" Jensen shakes his head. "Because we didn't have sex?"

 

Jensen's caught off guard. Touching Jared last night felt amazing; it's everything else that's frustrating him.

 

Jared laughs fumblingly. "We're married, I'm pretty sure I'm required to not put out."

 

"Don't joke," Jensen fires back harshly. "Last night, you let me...even after we fought."

 

"I wanted to put it behind us."

 

"So you think we should ignore it?"

 

"Jensen..."

 

"No," Jensen moves around the table so he can see Jared's face better. "I can't sweep this all away and pretend that something's not wrong."

 

That gets to Jared and his hazel eyes harden. "You think _this_ is wrong?"

 

"It's not really a marriage, Jared!" Jensen gestures sweepingly between them, trying to drive his point home, hopes Jared will understand. "You walk on eggshells around me, and I've done it too, I know. We spend too much time easing around each other. You don't argue for what you want, you don't fight."

 

"I've been fighting for this since day one!" Jared stands and faces him.

 

Jensen refuses to pull his punches. For them, it's now or never. "What, for us to be roommates? That isn't what I want. If this is what you want, you're crazy."

 

"I don't want to argue," the younger man leans on his chair, head dropping. "It doesn't accomplish anything."

 

"I want you to argue! I want the bickering and the disagreements. The forgiveness and the make up sex!" Jensen waits for Jared to look back up at him. "I don't think I can deal with this anymore."

 

If Jensen's honest with himself, this is the moment he expects Jared to give in. To smile and be willing to pursue everything Jensen thinks they could be. But life rarely goes how it should and Jared walks out of the room without a single word. The sudden fear hits him that everything he just said might have been interpreted so horribly wrong.

 

He doesn't chase Jared and it might be a mistake. Instead, Jensen waits in the dining room, listening to the sounds of Jared moving around in his bedroom. It's another blow to Jensen when he finally returns, duffel bag in one hand and a large envelope in the other.

 

"I'm sorry this isn't what you want," he starts and yeah, Jensen's messed up again. He goes to interrupt but Jared stops him. "No, wait. That night in Boston, when you asked me...we may have been drinking but I looked in your eyes and I thought you _meant_ it. Maybe I am delusional, and I _knew_ you'd pull away, but I thought we'd eventually get through it and figure things out."

 

"We still can, Jared. I didn't mean..."

 

But Jared keeps going. "I knew this was something more and I wanted to spend time with you, but maybe that was a mistake. I should have..." He pauses and Jensen's too stunned to jump in. Jared shakes his head and starts again. "I think I'm gonna head up to Jackson's for the rest of the weekend."

 

"Jared."

 

The younger man moves to the front door, leaving the envelope on the table. "Just let me go. Please...stay here when I'm gone, if you want. You don't have to leave."

 

Jensen's stuck where he stands as Jared hoists the duffel over his shoulder and leaves. He's not sure how long he remains motionless after the door closes but when he finally shakes himself out of it, the envelope is screaming at him from the table.

 

Inside is a very familiar bunch of documents. Divorce papers.

 

_Fuck_.

 

Flipping through, he catches the date the papers were drawn up. _March 19th_. The day after he and Jared got back from Boston.

 

Fuck fuck _fuck_.

~

Jensen's always thought marriages should end with a bang - the same way they start. Sometimes, it happens.

 

Now, his marriage to Jared is going to end quietly, with heartbreak. And it's the last thing Jensen wants.

~

Sunday afternoon, still in his pajamas and three beers deep into one of Jared's six packs, Jensen's phone rings. It's not a tinny rendition of _Head Games_ , so it's not Jared. No surprise there. He doesn't recognize the incoming number.

 

"Jensen Ackles."

 

"Ah, Jensen, it's Nate. Nathan Ford?"

 

"Oh, hi." He sits up and sets his current bottle on the coffee table. 

 

Jensen can hear Nate take a deep breath over the line. "Listen, I know Jared's up here staying with Jackson and Tara. I just wanted to call and see how you were doing."

 

This is a man he barely knows, but Nate's the one who married them, part of their lives no matter what. And he's clearly close to Jared, a mentor.

 

"I have no idea," he finally manages to say truthfully. "Maybe I was right at the beginning, this was such a crazy plan. We barely know each other."

 

"You know each other now." It's not a question. Nate's voice is soft and confident. He sighs. "I'm not a sadist, Jensen, it's never my intention to cause pain. I wouldn't have married you and Jared if I hadn't seen some spark between you, a feeling that it would all work out. Even if Sophie had begged me and Alec had hounded me more than he did, I wouldn't have gone through with it."

 

"But you did."

 

"Yeah." Jensen can almost hear the self-satisfied smirk. "I did. Now I don't know everything you boys are going through, but I think it'll be worth sticking out. Hell, I barely knew Sophie when I married her, but I was head over heels."

 

"And now?"

 

Nate chuckles. "And now she's the most infuriating, backwards woman I know."

 

Jensen can hear the affection in Nate's voice and knows what he's saying. "And you love her and you wouldn't regret it for anything, right?"

 

"Damn right."

 

He smiles to himself. It's not his answer, but it'll help him along. "Thanks, Nate."

 

"No problem. I know Jared's going home tomorrow night, so just give yourself some more time to think. You boys take care."

 

Later, and just like the night before, Jensen forgoes the living room and takes his briefcase and laptop into Jared's bedroom. It's more comfortable spreading out there, Kara DeMaio's files all around him. Jared's been gone one day but without his presence, it's the only way Jensen feels connected to him, surrounded by his things.

 

There's no reason for him to sleep there too, curled up in Jared's sheets, but he does. Just like the night before.

~

Court kicks Jensen's ass on Monday. Between Kara and her husband's constant bickering and insult throwing, and watching the minutes tick slowly by, Jensen's about to throw his hands up in surrender.

 

When he finally makes it back to Jared's, there's no sign of his _husband_ yet and he chokes down the disappointment. The innocuous folder is still on the table and Jensen collapses on a dining room chair. The day he's had, the weekend, the _month_ he's been having, all rise up at once and Jensen buries his head in his arms.

 

The quiet voice from behind startles him.

 

"I drew them up when I thought you'd never agree to see this through."

 

He snaps his head around and Jared's _here_ , holding two bags from the deli down the street, eyes locked on the divorce papers. He wants to get up and do _something_ , but Jared doesn't look any happier now than when he'd left, freezing Jensen where he sits. When he doesn't make a move, Jared sets the bags on the table and stands across from him.

 

"Jared," he sighs. "What I said before you left, I didn't mean it like..."

 

"Yeah, I figured that out," Jared cuts him off. "I thought a lot in Boston."

 

"Jackson left you alone long enough to think?"

 

"I managed a few hours between Jack-attacks." Jared's eyes light up for a second at the joke before softening again. "We could go back to the beginning, back to the night I saw you at the bar," he suggests meekly. "Start over without all of this craziness."

 

Jensen swallows and catches his heart before it falls to the floor. "That's what you want?" He'd do it, gladly, if that's what Jared decides.

 

"I want whatever lets me have something close to this. I walked away this weekend because I needed to get my head straight, but I could never walk away forever." The deep breath Jared draws sounds like a barrier to Jensen. "I know you think you can't understand another person without years of experience, but I think it only takes an instant. One moment of fascination and attraction that shapes the rest of your life, whether you know it or not. I saw you in that bar and I stopped breathing, Jensen. I knew you were something to me, and I'd be insane not to jump in with both feet. That was _my_ moment."

 

Jensen's holding his breath; Jared's not finished yet. "And this weekend, I thought maybe I was ignoring the fact that there wasn't a _moment_ for you. But I can back off until you find it. If you want to find it..."

 

"Jared."

 

"...So I guess you can sign the papers and I'll take care of them..."

 

"Jared?"

 

"...but only if you promise me you won't disappear, that this will still _be_ something..."

 

"Hey!"

 

There's been enough talking for Jensen, and there's only one thing he can say. He waits until Jared's looking at him, adorably confused.

 

"Maybe your moment was that night we first hooked up. But not for me." Jared's shoulders drop. "Mine was today. It was me sitting here, waiting for you to come back so I could set things right."

 

Jared's response is sharp. "What?"

 

"I don't want to erase all of this," Jensen says, standing up and coming to face Jared. "I can't go back to the beginning." It's not the time to get into deeper explanations, he thinks. _They'll have years for that_. Instead, Jensen goes with his gut and kisses Jared. Clear-headed and certain beyond a doubt that this is what he wants.

 

He kisses like he needs to convince Jared, long sweeps of tongue meant to explore and encourage, but when the other man's arms wind around him, Jensen knows they're on the right path. _Fucking FINALLY_. Jared deepens the kiss, responding full force in a way Jensen's never felt before. It's all encompassing - it's _flawless_. Jensen's mind flashes back to the kiss he'd dreamed of the night they got married. Whether it was a dream of remembrance or of the future, he'll never be sure, but now he gets the experience for real.

 

Jensen's heart does a giddy flip when Jared's tongue slides along his palate, the sensation making him shiver and he returns the favor. It somersaults again when he realizes that he gets to have this, _whenever_ he wants. Making out with Jared leaps to the top of his list of favorite activities, and even if he's content to stand here getting mauled by Jared's mouth for hours, a sudden rush of blood to his groin reminds him there's much more he gets to experience. There are sensations he needs to solidify, replace hazy memories with touch and taste, never again to be lost. 

 

And he doesn't want to waste any more time.

 

They're in the middle of the dining room, Jensen's back pressed against the hardwood table. The part of his brain not fully focused on Jared's wandering and squeezing hands take a mental inventory of the apartment, needing to move this show right along.

 

_The table?_ As unwilling as he is to move, it's starting to hurt Jensen's back. _The floor?_ Hell no, Jared had it polished two weeks ago, they're not going through _that_ again for a while. _Kitchen counter?_ At least it's clean. _Couch?_ Maybe later.

 

Jared decides for him with a low growl. "Bedroom, _now_." Not very creative, but it does the trick and Jensen pulls him down the hallway. It has to set a record for slowest trip to the bedroom, but Jensen can't help stopping every few feet to reacquaint himself with Jared's body. His husband doesn't mind, uses the stops to yank off their shirts and ditch his own shoes, leaving them both in only pants when they stumble into Jared's room.

 

They never make it to the bed. Jared seems to think the wall beside the dresser is perfectly acceptable, shoving Jensen back against it with a firm grip. His lips leave Jensen's, wet a path down his throat and settle on the smooth flesh of his shoulder.

 

Jensen can feel the deep inhales Jared takes, allowing a moment to regroup, whispered questions against Jensen's skin.

 

"We doing this, Jensen?"

 

He threads fingers through Jared's hair, holding him close. Jensen can't fault Jared's last minute hesitation, but tilts the younger man's chin up to meet his eyes.

 

"All the way, Jared," he murmurs, loving the answering smile and a full show of dimples. "Don't hold out on me now, baby."

 

After that, it's _on_.

 

Jared's mouth is everywhere at once and Jensen tries his best to keep up. Their bodies respond to each other the only way they know how - passionately and without reservation. This is no intimate dance; Jensen's already hot for it and the gleam in Jared's eyes shows he's all in.

 

Jensen blinks and their jeans are gone, Jared already pushing boxers down and off until hot skin is all Jensen can feel. He's lost in the sensation for a moment before it's taken away, Jared dropping to his knees. His cheek is pressed against Jensen's hip, lips barely brushing his dick. His tongue sneaks out for one gentle lick and Jensen's knees want to throw in the towel. It's at once the most amazing and hottest thing Jensen's ever seen, suddenly afraid he's going to come on the spot when Jared's mouth closes around him.

 

Feeling what Jared's lips and tongue can _really_ do, Jensen's pretty sure he'll never be able to kiss his husband without getting hard. The pressure, the sensations, the fucking _sounds_ make Jensen desperate to return the favor but Jared holds him prisoner against the wall. He's a willing victim, lets Jared take what he wants.

 

Every slide of Jared's tongue against him, every press of fingers into tense muscle and supple flesh, gives Jensen a million ideas of the things he can do with Jared from now on. He'll get the chance to swallow Jared like his husband's doing now - deep, wet strokes and intimate enthusiasm. Jensen can stretch himself out for Jared, give up his body however Jared wants him, and be blown away by what he gets in exchange.

 

Jensen's throat is dry from gasping and keening when Jared finally pulls off, raising back up to lick into Jensen's mouth. Jared's out of breath and Jensen's trembling but they remained locked for a moment until Jared reaches into the dresser and grabs a bottle of lube. Jensen doesn't want the tables turned this time; he finally wants to feel all of Jared, know him in every possible way, and he tries to convey that to Jared with desperate nips and kisses along his throat.

 

Jared's fully hard against him, but Jensen's hand is smacked away when he reaches for Jared's arousal. 

 

"Not a good idea, Jen," he gasps brokenly when Jensen settles for a sharp bite of Jared's earlobe. In retaliation, Jared pulls one of Jensen's legs around his waist, opening him wide enough for the slick penetration of Jared's fingers one at a time.

 

It's been a while since Jensen's taken anyone, but his body remembers quickly, spreading itself instinctively and relaxing muscles enough to let Jared's fingers stretch him. Jensen's mouth keeps finding Jared, open kisses exchanged even as their eyes are drawn to where they're more intimately joined below.

 

Jared works his fingers into Jensen's eager body, adding a third when Jensen begs, keeping them both on edge. He only stops when Jensen's hips unceasingly press down for _more_.

 

"Has anyone...since we...?"

 

It's obvious what Jared's asking and Jensen doesn't hide his smirk, repeating Jared's words playfully. "I'm pretty sure I'm _married_ , Jared."

 

And that earns him a deliciously possessive growl before Jared nips at his collarbone.

 

" _Damn straight_ , you are," he pants out and flips Jensen around to face the wall.

 

Jared teases first, slides up and into the curve of Jensen's ass, his cock drawing whines from Jensen whenever it presses _justthere_ but doesn't enter. Fed up and shaking, he draws Jared's mouth to his for one last dirty kiss before moaning. "Please..."

 

And Jared can no longer deny him - deny _them_. The initial burn of Jared pushing into him shocks him silent, much larger than three fingers, but he doesn't mind the ache.

 

He cries out, long and low, when Jared thrusts deeply. It's not from pain, even though his muscles seize momentarily before Jared massages out the tension. It's a cry of relief, of completion, and of a sensation he's never felt before. 

 

Despite their initial frenzy, Jared works him slowly. Almost instinctively, or from the way Jensen clenches and gasps raggedly every time, Jared pulls out completely every few strokes. The repeated thrill of Jared entering him, stretching sensitive muscles in and out, makes Jensen just as crazy as when Jared's pressed deep, cock striking his prostate.

 

Jared's got one hand on his stomach, the other wrapped around his neck and grabbing the opposite shoulder, giving Jensen a perfect anchor to hold on to. The strong body behind him is all the support Jensen needs, only steadying himself against the wall for particularly hard thrusts.

 

"God, you feel incredible, Jen," Jared groans as his tempo picks up, but Jensen doesn't want this to end. He reaches back with his free hand to grip Jared's thigh, trying to slow his rhythm.

 

"Slow, Jared. Want to go slow..."

 

Jared's lips return to his ear, strokes losing their urgency as he's whispering. "Want it nice and long, Jen?" His hand is firm and warm on Jensen's belly, thumb sweeping circles around his navel and holding them close together.

 

Jensen can't recall anyone ever telling him that he's loud in bed, but Jared's making him scream with every perfect thrust and withdrawal. By the time Jared's hand drops to stroke his cock, he's got no voice left. The steady pace of Jared's hips finally falters as his arousal starts to overwhelm. Jensen braces one hand on the wall as Jared starts fucking him, fingers still twined together on Jensen's chest.

 

It's not long before Jensen feels Jared coming inside him, pulsing and shuddering, muffling his cries against Jensen's neck.

 

Jensen can't stop panting, hips still rocking back onto his husband, desperate for his own climax. 

 

"Jared... _Jared_..."

 

"I know, baby, I'll get you there," Jared reassures and even as he softens, he keeps driving his spent dick into Jensen's body, the motion slicked and enhanced by his own release. Just imagining that is enough for Jensen to come in Jared's hand, saved from face-planting against the wall by Jared's strong embrace.

 

His husband pulls out with a groan but stays close, supporting Jensen as they both catch their breath. Jared's hand squeezes his in a silent question and Jensen hums his quiet response. _Yeah, that was amazing_.

 

Jensen's pretty sure that even exhausted, he won't be able to stop smiling for days. He can feel Jared's grin without looking back and while they still have a lot to talk about, Jensen knows they'll be good. Because he's sure there's nothing else better in the world than what he's found and fought to keep.

 

A few minutes later, Jared gets them both to the bed, Jensen immediately cuddling down into familiar sheets and waiting for Jared to join him. When he does, Jensen finds Jared's hand reaching into the space between them, intent on never letting go again.

 

The mood is light and easy, anxiety worked out on each other, and Jared starts laughing quietly. "Jen, is that your laptop on the floor?"

 

_Shit_. He'd forgotten about that. At least it's still in one piece after their heated coupling. Jensen ignores the question easily. "Does this mean I can move out of the guestroom?"

 

"Means you can move whatever you want," Jared yawns, curling a little closer. "Call my mother, she'll move _all_ of your stuff."

 

"Mother-in-law," Jensen jokes, overcome with amusement that he's actually _married_ to New York Society. The thought is baffling; his own mother's going to _die_.

 

"Christ," his husband groans. "She already likes you more than me."

 

Jensen yawns too, the roller-coaster weekend finally catching up. He presses his face closer into one of Jared's - _his_ \- pillows. "Maybe I'll leave my room as is..."

 

He can hear Jared's breath stop.

 

"You know, in case I want to lock my husband out. He can be pretty ann-"

 

Jensen doesn't get to finish his quip as Jared rolls them both over, ending up atop Jensen and shutting him up with another perfect kiss. Just like that, sleep is banished and Jensen's new life begins.

~

So yes, Jared Padalecki ruined Jensen's perfectly planned life.

 

But it turns out Jensen's 'plan' had been missing a few crucial things. His practice with Jeff was successful, he'd gained a new group of loyal friends, and he'd gotten married. _Twice_.

 

The second time was for show, and mostly for Sharon Padalecki to throw them a "proper goddamn reception", but Jensen tried not to complain. Especially when Jared reminded him it was a brilliant way to make up for being too drunk the first time.

 

" _Damn manipulator_." He'd whispered in Jared's ear as they sat none-too-patiently through another toast.

 

" _Damn straight._ " Jared agreed with a swift kiss, drawing a cheer from their rowdier guests. Namely Alec and Jackson.

 

Neither man was surprised when Nate's and Rick's gifts turned out to be expensive bottles of tequila. Jensen had smiled, cheeks burning with embarrassment, and tucked the bottles away to be enjoyed long after the reception.

 

_Fucking tequila_.

 

 

FIN.

 

 

 

 

**Additional Notes** : THANK YOU for reading this. Feedback is more than welcomed, it does a mushy heart good. Many thanks to _everyone_ [writers, cheerleaders, and readers] who participated in the support groups for - I know they helped me stay motivated, and hopefully we can all do the same for Big Bang 2009!

 

The scene where Jensen wakes up _married_ , and the scene with the ring exchange are the only two I really grabbed from the movie. The dialogue when they woke up was too funny and perfect to pass up, and the ring scene I couldn't have done better. So thank you, Laws of Attraction, for those.

 

Title from 'Check Yes Juliet' by We The Kings.

 

I'm borderline obsessed with lawyer!Jared, first in [Voir Dire](http://kelleigh.livejournal.com/222117.html) and now this. He'd be so snarky and awesome, and juries would listen to whatever he said based solely on his hotness. Also, despite my many friends in law school, I know little about actual divorce law and how it's practiced. Unfortunately, I know a little about divorce. Beyond that, I made most of this up.

 

As far as reality goes, same-sex marriage is legal in Massachusetts, hence the Boston setting. New York State recognizes same-sex marriages performed in other states, so this isn't _totally_ far fetched. Getting a marriage license close to midnight on St. Patrick's Day? Yeah, Alec could do it. A normal person could not.

 

Tequila makes people do crazy things. TRUFAX.

 

Jackson and Tara are borrowed from **Sons of Anarchy**. Nate, Sophie, Parker, and Hardison are borrowed [with so much love] from **Leverage**. Rick Taylor borrowed from no one, he's mine.


End file.
